Cry. It. Out. and feel like the worst mother ever.
Jr. is going through a phase where he screws around for an hour when he is supposed to be going down for his nap. He will yawn, rub his eyes, so I go through the nap routine. . . new diaper, turn on the (miami) sound machine, close the blinds, wrap him in his blanket, sit down in the rocking chair, nurse and rock. This used to put him to sleep within a few minutes, 30 at the most, but last week he would not go down. The rocking/nursing would last for at least an hour. So I gave C.I.O. a try. I have tried every trick in the No Cry Sleep Soluting Book, and Jr. is one tough nut to crack.
40 minutes he cried. I hid in the basement holding the monitor listening to him. I can now easily tell the difference between the hurt, sad and angry cries. This was an angry cry, but I listened closely for a hurt or sad cry. I cleaned the bathroom and talked to all of my mom friends on the phone and my mom. To each of them I would announce, "I AM THE WORST MOM EVER!" Each of them would assure me that I wasn't. I even sent his dad a text message telling him what I was doing so he could come home and save his baby, or at least call the cops on me. He didn't. His text reply was "I luv u."
So 40 minutes, or an eternity in my perception, passed and he stopped crying. I let that go for 5 minutes before I busted through his door to make sure he hadn't died from neglect. He hadn't. He was sleeping face down sobbing in his sleep. I made some slight adjustments in his sleeping body and rubbed his back until the sleep sobbing stopped and then snuck back out. 20 minutes later he was awake crying. I rushed back upstairs and rocked/nursed him back to sleep.
As he gazed up at me with tears in his eyes, I heard his little baby voice say, "Who is sleep training who?"
Baby Coleman 1. Mama Coleman 0.
I got him back down and he slept for over an hour, but that is not the point. Why am I so bothered by C.I.O? I think it is this, I doubt it will work and that I just hate the thought of letting him be miserable for 40 minutes. I mean that is a serious long time. Baby light years.
I also have a deadline. He starts daycare in July. I seriously doubt Aunt Aimee (daycare lady) is going to put up with rocking him for an hour when she has 4 - 5 other kids to deal with. He is going to have to learn to put himself to sleep. Plus she called this morning saying that she could take Jr. starting on June 21. Yikes, I thought I had all of June to sleep train him. I was going to make his Aunt Nancy (his real aunt) let him C.I.O. for his afternoon nap the last two weeks of June in hopes that he would transition to daycare napping better. I guess we start today. Well, tomorrow at least. I had to cut his nails while he slept, so I had no choice other than to hold him and rock him until he was well asleep.
And, let's face it. He is not the best snuggler on the planet while he is awake, holding him while he dozes off to sleep, or after he is conked out is my sweet baby snuggle time. So yes, I do hold him too long after he is asleep, and yes, I am probably ruining his life by not teaching him to sleep on his own. So, maybe I am the worst mother ever.
